its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize