Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
