He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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