my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
