Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
