We need to rekindle our bromance
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
