I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
