don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize