I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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