His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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