Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
