Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
