You just made me feel so damn special
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I don't think brook has ever known best
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
