Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
