With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
