Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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