I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
