Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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