Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
