It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
