So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
