News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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