I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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