So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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