If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
