Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
