Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
