You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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