Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Randomize
