the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Randomize