Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
