He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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