he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize