What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
