i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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