There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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