if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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