Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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