no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize