i don't like sucking hair
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
