We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
