Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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