break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
