Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
