He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize