In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
