I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
