Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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