just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
