I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Someone shit on the floor
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize