hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
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