I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You are the jesus of drinking
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
