that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
