this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
