Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
