i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
