worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
