This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
