dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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