dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
