i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
