He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
