I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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