I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
