Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You have to summon your inner elephant
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
