Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
