I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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