remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
