Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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