I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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