i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
