so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
How does one acquire holy water?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
