only if we run a train.
done.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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