I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
